I WANTED TO BE WITH YOU ALONE,
AND TALK ABOUT THE WEATHER ——
i wrote this the day you left after our dinner at novilho’s. i think i felt something i can only describe in feeling the night you and i made love in the back of your car at that church parking lot.
your smile struck me with an authencity i could not deny, your eyes as deeply intertwined into my gaze as mine, the stars glistening brighter than i had ever quite seen them shine in the vast expansion of the galaxy behind you….
a fluttering feeling within the depths of my body that i could only sense for a fleeting few moments before realizing that one day i would fall in love with you. and that day i am sure i will come to realize that love is far more profound than the butterflies in your stomach, so they say, or the few notions i can only fathom from my mind.
BUT TRADITIONS I CAN TRACE AGAINST THE CHILD IN YOUR FACE
DON’T ESCAPE MY ATTENTION —
i have so many words to say to you, jesse. many that i wish to save for the days that will come, many for which i wish to have you savour in their specialty. so i shall retain them, use them where they are meant to be.
but let it be known to you that the small things that i have hidden from the world, from myself and those who care most deeply about me, are secrets that i know you can trace against the etches of my face, in the fearful tears that slip down my face when i realize i have no where left to run but face the emotions i have been so unwilling to surface for so long. i know you can sense my turbulations, my insecurities and uncertainties…
my traditions, i suppose you could call them, that have formulated for my own protection have simultaneously distanced me. your warmth has eased me into proximity.
even in this fragility you do not tear at me and im pose your own glory in the domination of my vulnerability. you seek not grandeur but my happiness.
please imagine what it must feel like for me to realize that there is a place for me to trust someone.
OH, HOW TIME FLIES —-
let these words be a proclamation for my devotion to you now. i seek out the love you tell me so endearingly of. i say this not to expect this. not to expect anything in particualarly at all from us, but simply to delight the time between us…
like my mother and my father, like your mother and your father, these letters were not pitiful games to quench a lonely thirst for comfort but rather words that lingered with the affectionate air of each other’s care. i want this to mean a great deal for you as it does to me and to have each phrase to be written with a profound intention to enchant the extent of our bond…
i know you cannot expect love but i have faith that i am playing no fool’s errand.what we have is simply a new bond, one that will take many months to mature…
yet the day we are honoured with the fruit of our nature, i shall cherish it so greatly.
(i suppose it is not a perfect fit but there is a strong feeling i have when i listen to this song. i think about you… i know it has few verses but i will be sure to let you sample each phrase and witness through my words the connection it carries.)
(i promise next time i wont be so sappy and speak not in riddles but i could not help myself. thers so much to say, so much to summarize from or beautiful summer together, but i shall allow my emotions to carry my quill where it shall)
(yes im using a quill on a level of 0 to Fucking Homosexual Ultimatum am i being an embarrassing, pompous gayass)